Friend Makin' Mondays

Ooh, a tough one this week from Kenlie at http://www.alltheweigh.com/ for Friend Makin' Mondays.

Pop on over for the 'rules' on how to play and join in.

Here's the questions (and my answers) for this week:

Goals and More

1. Brag about some of your daily, healthy habits.  Some? I eat vegeatbles and fruit EVERY DAY (I'm a vegetarian!) and I drink a lot of water.
2. Do you track your daily food intake? If so, how? I write down everything I eat, and the calorie content too.
3. What do you want to change most about your daily routine?  Watching television whilst sat on the sofa for hours on end! I'd also like to get up earlier every day.
4. How often do you exercise?  Hardly ever - rhuematoid atrthritis and other problems are a hindrance - but I'm trying to get a positive outlook and try harder... soon!
5. How do you stay on track when you’re on the go? I'm disabled and agoraphobic... so I'm not often on the move. I carry a low-cal drink (or water) when I'm out, sugar-free polo mints, and a healthy snack bar.
6. What’s one excuse you use that prevents you from reaching your goals?  I talk myself down and convince myself that either I can't do it, or I'm not worth it. I tell myself that past the age of 40 (which I am WELL past!) it is impossible to lose as much weight as I want to.
7. What scares your most about your journey? Worse than failure, I'm scared I'll get to where I want to be and then just slide back (again!).
8. What do you think will change most when you reach your goal? (If you have reached it, what’s different?)  My wardrobe! On a less shallow point... my outlook on life - I'l be more adventerous and won't worry about what other people will think of me when I go outside the front door.
9. What motivates you to reach your goals?  My family... and the desire to be healthy. I don't want to die before I'm 60 years old - I want my grandchildren to know me, not just remember me from old photographs.
10. Share a few of your goals.  They are all shallow, meaningless aims -- but I'll share anyways...

• I want to be slim enough to get into my leather jacket so that I can...
• ride pillion on Hubbys motorbike again.
• I want to wear beautiful clothes.
• I want to look younger.
• I want to play in the park with my grandchildren.
• I want to walk to the local shopping precinct.
• I want my family to be proud of me.
• I want to feel proud of me and love myself.
• I want to wake up in the mornings and not ache
• I want to control my diabetes
• I want to be healthy

And that is just a few of my goals! I've got tons like that - high-heeled shoes, trips to the cinema, having an anniversary party, eating out at a restaurant... I could go on for hours - but won't *lol*

The Weigh-In (week 3)

A disappointing week for me this week - a loss of just 4 pounds :(

Maybe it's just one of those things - because the only thing I have done differently for this week is eat less yoghurt than I have the previous two weeks.  I'm so disappointed in myself. Like almost everyone in my position, I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning and find myself slimmer and beautiful... but it's taken me years to get as fat as I am, and I know it should take a reasonable amount of time to get to a 'me' that I'm comfortable with and that I like again. But I am just so impatient!

I haven't had the chance to get on the X-Box and try out the "Biggest Loser" 'game' yet - house visitors and busy times have stopped me for the time being. I am impatient to get started on that though - losing half as much weight this week as I did last week has brang my mood down - but it's also made me more determined to lose extra weight for next week. I don't like feeling like this - I hate being disappointed nearly as much as I hate being fat!

Staying positive is a struggle - there's that voice in my head that weeps "Why did you let yourself get like this?", the nagging that cries "You're pathetic!", and the ptiful wail of "You can't do this!". When you get to be as big as I am, you make jokes to hide behind (BIG jokes!).

"Inside every skinny girl is a fat girl screaming for chocolate!"

"Lord, if you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fat!"

"Life threw me some big curves... they all ended up on my backside!"

But the joking is a mask... a place go to so that no-one can see how much hurt there is within those folds of fat, in those chubby cheeks, and flapping by those bingo-wings.

I get that a lot of people love being large - they love themselves with weight and curves... they're happy. I'm not.

Maybe this post should be ignored as the whining voice of a person who just needs a kick up the jacksey - stop complaining, get positive, and get moving!

How do others maintain a positive outlook, I wonder?

Exercise?

Remember that terrible joke...

My dog has no nose.

How does she smell?

Awful!

That's my dog! She does whiff more than a bit! Today was bath day for smelly doggy... and doggy didn't want to be coaxed into the bathroom. I was tempted to just hose her down in the garden - especially after she'd had me running around the house like some madwoman holding a towel, dog treats and the dog shampoo, calling out as sweetly as I could "Come to mummy... what I got for you...?". She was not fooled by the dog treats - and I thought she was a stupid dog! Between my daughter and I, she was finally coerced (dragged) into the bathroom, where I plonked her into the bathtub, and she sat there shaking all over like it was her last moments - and that was before I even put the water on! Weird thing is... when she's out, she'll head straight for the nearest pond or muddy water puddle she can find. Go Figure!

Anyways... she's scrubbed, smelling sweeter than she did (damp dog smell is better than just plain old stinky dog!) and she decides it's payback. She's jumped out of the bath and shaking herself before I can even pick up a towel to defend myself. Maybe she thought that, as I'd given her a bath, she could give me a shower? Then she was out of the bathroom door before the word "Nooooo!" had passed my lips. I chased her down the stairs with the towel - which the cat obviously thought was a fantastic game, as she joined in the chase too - and I ended up dancing around the living room like a fat demented spiderwoman, trying to towel dry the flippin' dog!

Next was the turn of he garden. All the rain we'd had followed by this week of blazing summer sun has had my garden thinking it's a jungle! You know you're garden is at a bad point when you need a hedge trimmer to gut through the swathes of cornflowers and rosemary that's taken over!

Big mistake, me going out there thinking I could be the boss of the garden. The heat was sweltering, the hedgetrimmer was heavy... and the garden was just too overgrown. Ten minutes in, and I'm feeling more than a bit woozy. Luckily, I recognised the signs... numb lips, buzzing in the hears... and carefully put down the hedgetrimmer and went indoors for some iced water and a lie down. No good... and too late! I was out like I'd been hit by Tyson! Thank goodness I made it to the bed *lol*

Two hours later, and I'm feeling much better :) However, I think I've had enough exercise for one day, and the Kinect will have to wait until tomorrow.

Ouch!

I am aching... a lot! Going shopping and trying to lug heavy bags back to the car, followed by playing on the Kinect yesterday - and my body is telling me now in a very painful way! It's a case of my enthusiasm being in more abundance than my capability. I'll take it slower today... gentle exercise and a day sat doing something with my poor broken nails.

Oh... have a question to ask...

If anyone has a games platform like the Kinect or the Wii... something like that... what are the exercise games that you would recommend? Something not too strenuous, nor too difficult.

If anyone has, or has used, the Mel B workout or "The Biggest Loser" game, I'd love to know what you think of it.

Thank You!

:)

Friend Makin' Mondays

LOVE this idea from  http://www.alltheweigh.com/

Friend Makin’ Mondays

1. What is your favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon?
2. What is your favorite color?
3. Have you ever been to Europe?
4. Do you wear glasses or contacts?
5. How often do you brush your teeth?
6. Share a guilty pleasure.
7. What are you most proud of accomplishing this week?

1. Reading a book
2. Green
3. Live there :) I have been to France though
4. Glasses (or at least, I should wear glasses).
5. Twice a day, at least - bad teeth mean expensive dental bills, so I try to keep mine healthy.
6. I cannot resist high-heel shoes, and even bought a pair today and tried to hide them from Hubby. Sometimes I'll just walk around the house in my pyjamas and high heels because I love them so much! Unfortunately, our wooden flooring at home does NOT like my high heels :(
7. 8 pounds weight loss!

Here's the info from All The Weigh:

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. (The same rules apply today!)  If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links there too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts.

The Weigh-In (week 2)

Ah, yes... the dreaded 'weigh-in' day is here again. Although I'm still a "Big Beautiful Chick" (or an Old Hen *lol*), my weight is still plummeting in the right direction. Two weeks into this whole diet and lifestyle change and I'm buzzing! It may be the Kinect that's helped - or maybe the jumping on the trampoline... but I've dropped more weight than I thought I would. Of course, hot sunny days and a craving for salad helps too :)

So...

Another drum roll for me this week...

I've lost ANOTHER

8 pounds!!!!

I am now at 16 stone 6 lbs  - that's 230 lbs on the nose!

**doing a happy dance**

When A Man Loves A Woman...

Had to write this down...

This evening my daughter was taking Chicago Town Stuffed-crust Pizza from the oven (my favourite frozen pizza!), and I was just finishing making a Rhubarb Peach and Honey Crumble (heaven on a dessert plate!)... when I turned to my husband, put my hands round his neck and moaned "I'm going to have to be on a diet for the rest of my life".

His reply...?

"Yes, but the funny thing is that I love you nomatter - just as you always are"

It's true - I know he loves me nomatter whether I'm fat, thin, or inbetween... but it's so sweet when he tells me anyway. So sweet that I didn't need a helping of that gorgeous crumble I just made :)

A Pressie From Hubby...

Today my wonderful darling husband went out and bought me the most perfect present...

an XBox 360 and Kinect!

I really wanted the Kinect Adventures game - something to start me moving a little before embarking on a more serious exercise programme. He got me that too! There's a silly game where you fly around bursting bubbles - and I love that! I've also just ordered the 'Biggest Loser' disc, and also 'Mel Bs Workout'. I have only had a little go on the Kinect, because I went outside and played on the trampoline for 10 minutes. Trust me, at my age 10 minutes is MORE than enough *lol* As soon as you've had children, jumping on a big trampoline is just one big 'Tena Moment' :) I am quite pleased though... I jumped, sat down, then on my knees, and back up to jumping - something I've tried and never managed before (even when I was a skinny-minnie!). However... I have pulled a muscle in my side a little :( I reckon that if I keep moving around gently, it'll hurt less than if I just sit down and rest... maybe?

Anyways... I did weigh myself this morning, and I'm looking forward to logging my progress here tomorrow. Who am I kidding... I'm almost wetting myself with excitement. Bit like being on the trampoline but without the effort of bouncing *lol*

The Nearly-Wobble

This desperate dieter nearly had a wobble this evening - and when a lady my size wobbles, it aint a pretty sight! *lol* In all seriousness though - not even two weeks in, and I'm already at point where I want to stuff my face with anything - and I do mean ANYTHING! I have two packs of caramel snack-a-jacks, and although they're a good choice for a diet snack, eating all of them at once is a definite no-no! It's okay though - I sat and thought about what was really wrong, and what I really wanted... and the answer was simple - I needed to crunch on something. So, I took the boring but better option and had some raw carrot batons. AND I even shared them with the dog too (carrots are her favourite!)... How I ever managed to get so big with my begging dog around is a bit of a mystery to me :)

So, crisis averted.

However... part of me wasn't satisfied, and I felt I had to do something useful and constructive.

Hubby had been shopping earlier and got some bargain vegetables - leeks, carrots and spinach. Carrots and spinach are now dry-roasting in the oven with a bit of rosemary and garlic, and the spinach has been steamed to a pulp. I'll whizz it all up when it's all cooked, and Hey Presto! I'll have soup for the freezer. Okay, so it'll be really gross looking soup - but it'll taste great.

Unfortunately, finding bargain veggies has been one of Hubby's gifts lately... and I have enough curried carrot soup in the freezer to last me a month already!  Blending all those carrots has turned my blender orange, and also my large jug. Still, I can't complain when there are going to be about three months worth of soup in my freezer that costs less than £1.

Bless my amazing family - they are all behind me (well, my backside is plenty big enough to hide all of them! - joking!), and although I am doing this mainly for me, part of me wants to do this to make them proud too.

Oh... nearly forgot ...

I actually took some very unflattering photographs of myself (front and side views).

I can't post them yet - I am too ashamed of how awful I look! I know I started this blog because I didn't want to hide any longer, and to get everything out in the open... but trust me on this, those photographs cannot be seen just yet. I am making a promise to myself that I will get the photographs on here - probably before December, and I'll be taking photos every week too! I just need some time to get my head around the blunt truth of how I really look before sharing it with anyone else.

A Little Change

I had to change some of the colours on my blog. That mustard-y colour was giving me cravings for curries and veggie hotdogs with mustard...

I like the warmth and neutrality (is that a word?) of the autumn-like colours... but it just had to be something I didn't like. Butterscotch. On my computer, the whole colour-effect is that of butterscotch... and I hate butterscotch!

Now when I log onto my blog I don't have the urge to go eat something spicy :)

Just A Ramble...

I woke up this morning to find my eye had blistered. It's a problem I have ... when I get something in my eye (like an eyelash or similar), instead of my eye watering and washing out the irritation, it covers the particle with a bubble - either on my eyeball or over the skin inside my eye socket. Gross, huh?!

So, for the next couple of days I shall look like I'm winking at everyone... which could be a laugh - people will wonder what the heck I'm up to :)

I was told yesterday that to lose just 1lb, you have to burn off 3500 calories. Goodness! Is that true??  I wonder how many calories one person can burn just sitting around and doing nothing except breathing and having their heart beating? I am so going to look that up... unless anyone 'out there' has the answer?

Funny... I write here and yet there are no 'followers' on this blog to answer questions *lol*

Right... on to the news of the day. Yes, I did weigh myself again this morning - and I'm still happy. I won't put my daily weight here, as that would make this blog even more boring than it is - but I will log it weekly :) Maybe I should invest in a tape measure, and measure myself too... Hmmm I wonder if anyone manufactures a tape measure THAT big? The other dilemma I face is whether I should take photographs of my progress. Like many other women my size who don't like how they look, I am somewhat camera-shy. That's putting it mildly. For someone who walks with sticks, I can 'alf move when someone points a camera in my direction *lol*

Right now I do feel pretty good about myself. I had my hair trimmed, and I'm back to wearing make-up every day - something I haven't done for over a year.  In a fit of 'blackness' a few months ago, I hacked all my hair off. I couldn't brush it because the rhematoid arthritis was just too painful... but I'm in the state of mind now where I feel I want to grow my hair again and begin to feel like a woman rather than just a 'female person'. Any woman with a weight problem will know exactly what I mean by that... you get to a certain size, and you just don't feel like you're a woman any more...you're past 'voluptuous' and heading toward 'obese' and you become de-sexed, de-personalised - like a piece of furniture.

I've got my favourite coat out of storage... It's way too small now - but I so badly want to fit into it again. It was one of those purchases that made me feel so guilty - I mean, who spends more on a coat than they spend on a month of food for a family of 6? Apparently I do. BUT I loved this coat so much I just had to have it! My credit card took a whopping dent, my bank manager was happy... and I was overjoyed at my new coat. Why the coat is most important, I have no idea... there are bags and bags full of amazing clothes in my loft, just waiting for me to fit back into them again. I can't wait!

Rambling over... I'm off to get ready for a night out at craft-club. Could life be any more exciting!?

That was sarcasm, by the way *lol*

A Not-So-Naughty Treat

I did something so decadent this evening... it was wonderful!

I went to bed early, switched on "Hell's Kitchen USA", and snuggled down with a cup of "Ooh-La-La Vanilla" Options hot chocolate, and a cherry-bakewell Alpen Light bar.

Oh My Goodness.... it was FANTASTIC! And all less than 125 calories!

Diets are soooo good!

You Know You're Fat When...

You know you're fat when...

...biologists claim to have found a new breed of giant flying squirrel. They haven't. It's you. You and your bingo-wings.

...you're feeling ill, and don't need a blanket to cover your knees - your stomach does that for you.

... your armchair no longer has arm rests. It has 'flabby hip' and 'rear-end overhang' rests.

Oh, dear. Been there, done that *lol*

I'm not being offensive to anyone - not intentionally - I just need to laugh at myself sometimes :)

I figure that I may as well laugh at myself - because other people do it all the time. It's human nature - to gawp at something - some ONE - who looks different. There's a little morbid curiosity and cruelty in everyone (yes, even me!). I cannot walk without the aid of sticks, and the sight of some fat but short, dumpy old lady, wobbling along on sticks, is something that people do stare at. I have rheumatoid arthritis, osteo-arthritis and fibromyalgia... the three main reasons I went from being a thin person, to a normal-size person to a big fattie. BUT... no more excuses now - I will not be beaten by any illness - nor will I let myself be defined by any illness either.

Ooh... I am in a fighting mood (frightening for the hubby when it's 2.15am), and I'm all fired up!

Positivity!!!

The Weigh-In (week 1)

One week after starting the diet (D-Day!) and I feel pretty good. I am hungry - but not so much that it's constant and hard to handle. In fact, it's more of a craving for stodge and sugar than a real hunger, I think. The first two days of this diet were painful - and I do mean that literally! I'm pretty sure I was having cold-turkey symptoms through my sudden cessation of sugar. Massive migraines, shaking, hot sweats and the cold shivers and not being able to focus my mind clearly on any train of thought.

Nasty.

On top of that, I have become a bit of a diet-bore. I have to! If I don't become obsessed with wanting (needing!) to lose weight, then I might fail. This has to be the 'be-all-and-end-all' of everything right now. Of course, if people don't want me to waffle (mmm....waffles!) on about my diet, then they shouldn't ask me how it's going.

And, part of this diet is allowing everyone around me to know what I'm doing. It's no good keeping it a secret - because then there's no support. Also, if you're tempted by something sweet, sticky, gooey and calorie-laden, then there's bound to be someone close by who'll give you 'that look', waggle their finger, and tut disapprovingly. If you're lucky :)

So... the weigh-in.

I have lost.... Give me a drum roll please...

EIGHT POUNDS!!!!

So, today's weigh-in makes me 17 stone on the dot.

Still a terrible weight to be - but I'm on track and heading in the right direction.

A Weighty Decision

Can you weigh yourself too often?

Of course!

It's just that, if you think you're doing well, then you want to see if the weight has really dropped off. I weigh myself nearly every day. It's a good thing at the moment, because this diet and lifestyle change has just begun and so the weight is coming off relatively quickly. Oops, I nearly wrote "easily" instead then... trust me on this - it is so NOT easy right now. Every day is a battle not to binge on every packet of low calorie food I have in the house ... in one sitting!

So... a weigh-in a day really should be thought of a a bit of a no-no. What happens when the weight slips off a little less quickly? I'll get on the scales that one day and cry like a baby when there's no change from the previous day.

I am trying to let go of obsessive weighing... maybe start weaning myself off of the scales slowly untl I get to a point where once a week is the 'norm'. But it's hard. The elation right now of seeing pounds slip away is addictive!

Is Salad Fun?

Read that header? "Is salad fun?"

For the most part, that's a resounding "NO!"

Seriously... and I'm a vegetarian who LOVES tomatoes. BUT, salad can be pretty boring. Chicory and asparagus... apples and celery - it can all bolster the everyday mundane salad but after a few days of munching, it's all a bit samey-samey. Except for fruit salad. There's the exception to the rule :)

I digress...

Salad is boring. At first, it's all crunchy-scrummy with light, low-calorie dressings and heaps of black pepper (I'm a pepper freak!). After a week of the crunchiness, it's not so yummy, and you're screaming out for a big dollop of chocolate cream cake that would feed a family of ten.

Ooh... chocolate cream cake....

Sorry - sidetracked again. Let me wipe the drool off my chin and I'll get back on track...

Where was I? Oh, yes... not-so-scrummy salad. After a week, you need variation - something that quells the desire to scream every time you see a lettuce leaf. My option at the moment...? Soup. Homemade, curried carrot soup. Thick, warming... enough chillies to start a fire two hours later in the toilet!  And it's so filling!

Anyone on Slimming World (SW)... ignore this - you can't have soup as a 'free'. Nah-nah-nah-nahnah. Sorry - I've had a bad experience with SW - after losing between 8 and 5 pounds every week for the seven weeks I attended, my weight loss dropped to - wait for this shocker - only 4 and a half pounds one week! The group leader said that I must be "... so disappointed with only four and a half pounds". What?! That's a pretty darn good weight loss for one week! Nobody else in the group did any better! I was ashamed, beaten... defeated. I went home and never returned. I didn't pay £6 a week to be humiliated.  I got so depressed, I spent the following weeks' £6 on chocolate and cake, stayed at home and munched guiltily away whilst watching a movie. It was bliss for a few weeks - and then I hid the scales and became lost in denial.

So... mix it up a bit - don't snack on a salad every day - add something different. Stew, soup... poached eggs ... anything (within diet-reason). AND add a bit of spice to your life by adding spice to your meals.

Probably best not to go overboard with the chillies like me though... especially if you share a bathroom at home.

OMG! Is That ME???

Sometimes the weight kinda creeps up on you... stealthy little sucker that it is! A little bit here, a tiny bit there... and before you know it, the person staring back at you in the mirror is a stranger. Who is this fat broad ('broad' being a very apt word!)? Where did she appear from? Oh, yes, you notice that bits are a little flabbier, that the face is rounder, the bingo wings a bit more prone to slapping about whilst you're cleaning the kitchen... but it's just 'Rubenesque' or 'curvy'... right? Then 'Rubenesque and curvy' suddenly become obese, fat, lardy... and just plain unhealthy.

The trouble is, weight goes on so easily  - like butter slipping in a hot frying pan - but getting it off again is so much harder!

I've been here before. I've been skinny, almost perfect, and hugely obese many times before - it's a never-ending cycle. I've just come to terms with that. Realised now, after so many years of riding the waves of skinny-to-fatty, that I will always have to be on a diet to stay at a healthy weight.

UGH!

What a horrible thought!

But it's not to say that chocolate will never pass my lips again... it's just that it will pass my lips a LOT less often than it has in the past. It will have to become a RARE treat, rather than a daily excuse to cheer myself up. Because it really doesn't cheer me up. Oh... okay - whilst I'm eating it I feel fantastic! but afterwards I'm overtaken with guilt and questions of "Why did I just eat that?".

So...

On Monday the 10th of July, 2012, I decided that I had to start making good choices. I had to change my life.

I want to be here when my grandchildren have children. I want to be around when my husband retires and we get some 'us' time...

I don't want to die young.

So... I've put my photograph up so people who know me now know the real me - the fat me... the ugly me. I'm not saying fat is ugly - fat women can be - and are very often - absolutely stunning. Just not this one. This one looks old and tired and unhealthy. She is NOT a pretty picture!

She is also ... Oh dear, I can't believe I'm admitting this on the 'world wide web'... On Monday the seventh of July, 2012, I weighed in at seventeen stones and eight pounds.

Yep... you read that right.

17 st 8 lb

that's a total of 246 lb

Is that really me??!!

Well, no. At least it won't be me for much longer. Because I have the mindset, and I must have the willpower.

I will no longer be this person!

Wish me luck!